maktub: part 1

" When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you get it."
-The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho

I have to admit. It was hard. But you can't blame me.

I mean, is it my fault that I'm so darn shy?

It was alright at first. Five seconds after I sat down someone initiated. It was nice. She made it look as easy as breathing.

I'm telling you, its not.

I tried, I really did. But everytime I try to do it everything gets stuck in my throat.

So I ended up crawling back to the shell.

Pathetic? Tell me about it.

Stupid as it may seem, it was a total relief that I got to meet someone who just loves to initiate. Loves to inititate, and give out all this trivias. By the end of the day, I was swamped with facts that I really don't need to know. But at least it got my throat unstuck.

Actually, I already expected that something like this would happen. I just know myself that much. I mean, it happens everytime.

Why I'm like this, I don't know. Its not because Im insecure, or low esteemed, or that I fear rejection, or whatever psych analysis you come up with. No. Its just is.

I prefer undergoing the natural way. Ha, that sounds funny.

I meant just letting things unravel, grow momentum.

Stuff like this takes time.

Melodramatic? I guess so.

Anyway that's one down. I'd say I have just been granted my "beginner's luck". I'm miles away from my "personal legend", whatever that is. I'm still not sure.

I may be a planner, but its just a short-time thing.

As for me, I'm going to really work hard. Not for anyone, or for the achievement. Its for me.

I know right now I'm just skimming past the gates. I'm still at the opening. Finding a path through the Old forest, where evil lies ahead. But I'm trusting what the old man had said. After all, God sent him for that special purpose.

I trust God, so I trust what he said, which makes me trust my personal legend, which in turn makes me trust the universe to help me.
I'll get to it. Swear.